Feature Contributors

Column: Will a new Dollar General store replace Porter Pool?

Dear readers,

 Wow, last week’s column created quite a hubbub.

I reported on the new apartments being built behind “The Helbing.” I opined that the units with a view of the sculpture would be in such demand that timeshares might be sold. The mere mention of vacation timeshares hit a nerve with the public. 

The overreaction of readers was similar to the panic that swept the nation when Orson Wells broadcast “War of the Worlds.” For some unknown reason, mere mention of The Helbing brings out the worst in some of our fellow citizens. The thought of vacation timeshares frightened folks into imagining the horrors of gentrification destroying their way of life. 

Before long a crowd began to assemble at The Helbing. It was obvious to me that many in the angry mob hadn’t actually read my entire column. If pitchforks were readily available, I think most would have been carrying one. 

I donned a disguise and surreptitiously infiltrated the gathering. It was time for some old-fashioned news reporting. I was afraid of being recognized if I asked any questions, so I just listened.



There were as many opinions and comments concerning the construction project as there were people present. Some of the conversations segued into other complaints/problems concerning our town Shelbyville. I had the entire event transcribed.  Enjoy!

One thing for sure is that Shelbyville didn’t need that pile of stainless steel. What Shelbyville needs is more places to shop. Maybe Target or Kohl’s.

Nope, Kohl’s will never come to Shelbyville because folks here aren’t paid enough. So we are forced to go to Greenwood to spend our Kohl’s cash. 

If that’s true, I wonder if the mayor could cut a deal with Dollar General and get them to accept Kohl’s cash. EBT is now accepted almost everywhere, I don’t know why Kohl’s cash isn’t.  I don’t know why I can’t spend my Kohl’s cash at gas stations in Shelbyville.

Well, I do, like duh!

Kohl’s cash isn’t cash. It’s just really a coupon for Kohl’s. Asking why it can’t be spent at other stores is like asking Cagney’s to accept a Waffle House coupon.

Did someone mention Waffle House? The problem with this town is we need more public transportation. Folks need a way to get safely out to the Waffle House late at night.

Maybe we just need a Waffle House here in town. It seems like the city can build a Dollar General or Cork Liquor within walking distance.  Why not a Waffle House?

No, No, No, we don’t need a second Waffle House. We need somewhere to eat that we don’t already have. Why should we have to drive to Indianapolis? Why can’t we have Chi-Chi’s here in Shelbyville?

Dude, Chi-Chi’s went belly up years ago. There’s no Chi-Chi’s in Indianapolis or anywhere. 

Wrong, I just Googled it. I got you some good news and some bad news.  First, the good news. There is one Chi-Chi’s that’s still open. The bad news is that it’s in Vienna, Austria.

Wow, that would be a long way to go just to eat at a Chi-Chi’s. It might be worth the trip if there were other places to eat in Vienna. Check and see if they still have a Nickel Nook over there. 

Yea, I loved the Nickel Nook. When Porter Pool closed, we lost the Nickel Nook. Without all the kids at the pool buying hamburgers it just couldn’t stay in business.

No. I think you’re mixed up. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?  I think Nickel Nook closed before Porter Pool closed. That’s why the new pool was built across town. I mean, why bother keeping Porter Pool when there was no Nickel Nook? 

It’s kind of sad seeing the old bathhouse still sitting here with the pool long gone. Yea, who needs a bathhouse without a pool?

The city should replace it with a new Dollar General so the folks living in the new apartments have somewhere to shop. 

Yes, a Dollar General would make this neighborhood perfect. I would move in even if I had to look at The Helbing. 

 See you all next week, same Schwinn time, same Schwinn channel.

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